I want to feel the power of the darkness

.

You already moved to my heart, but it still feels not enough, like I wanted to have you here more.

welcome to the jungle

one two three
bang bang

it is about to start
I am
about to do next step

eye

Seeing W. with new eyes, trying to find myself in this new reality. I feel good, I feel bad, I feel lost, I feel found. The waves coming and going. What always rescues me is walking barefoot and letting trees take all the weight. It is important to visit them often. And breathing. There is a secret of happiness.

I do not know what is coming now, but there is trust that gives me strenght in this foggy space.

Last 6 months were truly diving into spaces I did not know exist. 

How are you and where are you? 

What makes you alive now?

of course

Of course, I also want to cry sometimes. Fall down, collapse into pieces. Because deep deep inside I carry my suffering, I am deeply unhappy and 'this is not the way it was supposed to be'. Sometimes I have this feeling, that I was imagining my 28th year of life looking different. That I will not carry these bones and flesh surrounded by suffering, it will be gone, long ago.